Too Far
by shampoo147
Summary: Alan, caught in one of depressing spirals, kills himself. I'm not sure what the rating should be, please tell me.


Too much, too much, it's just too much . . .

Why couldn't they leave me alone? They demanded more and more from me, but did they ever give a thought to how it was affecting me?

Charlie didn't care, he just used my misery for his own amusement and my life story for invoking the maternal instinct in the women he was trying to have sexual intercourse with.

His mother was being herself, being the martyr of his misery and only thinking of how it was affecting her chances with men and her own social status. Giving off the fleeting impression of truly being a mother before bringing down his own feelings of self worth.

It was a damn given that Judith cared nothing for me. She took everything I had in alimony, then more to pay for her vacations, house, spa, and direct pay for Jake's things. Then she had the nerve to stand to me and say that _she _had it tough. She wasn't the one trying to pay more than she could make to someone she hated; she wasn't the one who had to deal with Charlie, and his mother every time Jake was over; and she sure as hell wasn't the one who got blamed for it all. The only good thing about my situation with her was that she had married Herb and he no longer had to pay her alimony.

He still had to pay off the debts her charges left him with, now.

His newer ex wife, Kandi, didn't give a damn either. I had thought, that maybe, she did, but she didn't. She was just like Judith. She was taking everything I had in her alimony; her condo; and her car, all of which _I _had bought her. She wouldn't even let me see my dog, Chester. Then, she shacks up with Judith's lawyer, and they take me for everything I've got.

Of course, my falling out with another woman was merely another game for everyone else.

Jake, oh Jake, my dim, teenaged son. Jake was too young, so young, to be having a father that couldn't do things that he wanted. I wanted a young boy who jumped up and down and hugged him, and looked up to me for the answers . . . oh me little baby boy, what happened to you, my little innocent one?

Judith happened, then I brought us to Charlie. Why did I do that? He ruined you. My precious little baby, you became his protegee, you began to look down on me, you began to scorn the women you should cherish; you began to realize how little, how insignificant, all the little moralities were, how one could go through life, doing nothing like your uncle. I didn't want you to know that, Jake. I wanted you to be caring, to be innocent, and to love me.

My baby, my precious little Jake, what happened to you?

...

You grew up; you became a teenager. You grew more interested in women's breasts and curves than in little morality games with you father. You grew more interested in girls, and teenager things, than loving your father.

That's unfair of me, you do love me (don't you? Please do) and it's not fair of me to withdraw my own love because you're no longer a child, that's not right to do to you, my little baby boy. I love you, Jake, my Jake, my son, don't you love me anymore?

Oh, there was Rose, how could I almost forget that crazy friend? There's not really anything for me to love or hate of you, you're just my brother's stalker.

Berta, you don't do shit for me. You just play us like strings on a guitar, don't you? We're all just a game to you, aren't we?

I fear you; I hate you.

The therapist is a piece of shit with a fake license.

I love you all, but I can't keep this up.

If I kill myself, or if I arrange an accident and they find out, you won't get my life insurance. So I've decided to kill myself.

I love you, I love you all.

Well, really only love Charlie, Mom, and Jake, the rest of you can burn in hell.

Love, Alan (remember, the little guy that you all take advantage of?)

Ah, I can't leave on that note.

Okay,

I love you, Charlie, Mom, and Jake (the rest of you can burn in hell, I _can_ leave on that note).

With love, Your brother, son, and father,

Alan.

This was the letter that Charlie had found on Alan's bed after the younger-brother-he-had-never-expressed-his-love for was found dead, having drugged himself and thrown his body from the top of the light tower (or as high up as he could get).


End file.
